At the age of 24 I had given up my life. The strong anti-depressants which I was taking since many years because of depression and anxiety, made out of me an empty shell of blood and flesh. As my trials to take my life stranded, I decided to go to Exit (an institution for euthanasia).
Exit promised me their support in case nothing would change in my life until I turned 25. Until then there were 8 months left. I remembered my faith in God, which I had since I was a child. Could I really say that I trust Him, if I was planning to take my life in 8 months’ time?
I couldn’t. I decided not to go there and so again I was feeling very lonely and down. I had given up my only hope I had to bring my life to an end. Now I just had to go on facing my problems. As I was so desperate, for the first time in my life I asked 3 people to pray for me. I started listening to worship music and prayed myself. Over hours I told God about my burden. A few days later after 9 years I decided to go back to the church I went to before. It was incredible – during the church service they talked exactly about my problems. All my life I was looking for acceptation and love from people to fill the emptiness inside of me. But no one could do it. When I realised that God had already accepted and loved me, I gave Him my life.
Two days later I drove away with 2 friends of mine. On the highway, direction to the place we were heading too, I showed them the worship songs that I always was listening to now. Suddenly I had this strong feeling I should pray to God and tell Him about my problems and thank Him for my friends. It wasn’t a long prayer, nothing special, just real simple.
After this prayer I suddenly felt very happy – it did feel a bit strange. I concentrated on the depression and my sorrow which had destructed my life. Astonished I recognised that all my grief had disappeared out of my heart. I couldn’t understand it. Peace was now in my heart and I sensed an indescribable big love. For the first time in my life I was filled with God’s love and care – it was as if my biggest dream was turning into reality.
I supposed this feeling of being `high` would last only a few hours or at the most 1 day. But it didn’t go away. Since October 7th 2014 I have more hope and soulfulness then I ever had before.
God did not only do the necessary so that I could manage my life. No, He did it even 1000 times better than I could have ever imagined. There where I always failed because I tried to do the things my way, He changed my life completely in one moment. He brought my life into order even though I never thought it would be possible. I was even able to stop my drug addiction which I had over years and He will help me to stay firm day by day.
I shortened my story here – so don’t hesitate to write me in case you would like to talk to me about it more detailed. I am so happy that I can speak about God’s eternal love and mercy.
Kevin
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