How Jesus changed their lives
There are so many people telling their stories about how Jesus changed their lives. And it’s not a simple formula or the same for everyone. We are all on our journey in our lives. We all carry our history and experiences with us. We all need a Saviour. We are all loved by our Creator.
Two weeks after the funeral I returned to The University for my second year. It wasn’t the same; I missed my dad. I spent my days feeling sad and then trying not to feel sad. Mostly I attempted this by drinking, comfort eating, skipping lectures and finding comfort in different relationships.
The death of my grandmother was a real shock to me. For the first time in my life I started to think what would happen to me if I die.
I was standing in line like every other passenger, nervously going through all my papers. I had no idea what would expect me the next few months. I didn’t know that God could change my life completely almost overnight. Everything happened on a small island called Hawaii.
As I went from one meaningless adventure to the next I ended up on a bench by the river in Bristol city centre. I had never felt so alone in my life.
Right around the age of 19, I then started having doubts. Do I only believe in God because my parents immunized faith into me? Does Jesus really exist?
It was at primary school, with my friends who went to Sunday school, I heard about God for the first time. I was more afraid than envy. Being young, I was afraid of the future and dark.
Then, my uncle’s phone rang. The news fell down. His brother, and that means my father, has just died on his working place. I remember the first thing I said after I realized I would never see him again : “I’ve never told him I love him”. I was destroyed by a feeling of guiltiness.
“Madam, you have the choice for your baby : your baby dies in your sale, or his life will be very hard. There is no other way : his life is wretched”
My greatest joy is to know God and be known and loved by him. But how is that possible? I mean… who can really know God?!
I struggled to find acceptance or to believe that I was good or lovable. I know that years of bitterness have caused me to forget any fun times I had at home, but now I can only remember the loneliness, the bitterness and the pain.
After months of trying to fill my loneliness with all the wrong things, it caught up with me in a night of partying. I was weighed down with so much shame and was in disbelief at the person I looked at in the mirror. I felt helpless as I started to see that it was more than just the one night of mistakes. I knew that this person I’d become wasn’t me! Something big had to change.
I fear that people can see right through me—can they see how depressed and lonely I feel inside, how completely helpless and overwhelmed I am, how anxious my every thought is.
Something was missing. Life wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t perfect. For every “nice Steve day” I had two “grumpy Steve days.” I hated imperfection. I began to hate myself. Though I never considered suicide or anything to that extreme, I still felt a deep longing for more. I wanted to know how to live, but people’s answers weren’t sufficient.
When I came home from Church that day, I was again beaten by my stepfather. After that beating my heart had enough. I looked straight up to God and said, “If this is my future… I don’t want your help. I don’t want anything to do with you.”
Dead. I wanted to be dead. I wanted Death’s arms to envelope me and take me from this life: a life full of pain, abuse, abandonment, disappointment, hatred; I didn’t want it anymore. Oh, sweet surrender! Come Death, come!
It was so hard to accept myself. I didn’t even notice how I became involved in a hunt after my value. I wanted to prove both – others and myself – how intelligent and beautiful I am. I started pursuing it by various activities, works and relationships with guys.
In 2012, all changed… It began with a discomfort while I was at my office; I had this discomfort several times. So I went to the doctor who sent me to the E.R. I had a lot of tests for a week.
God has done so many great things in my life. He has helped me through tough times and answered so many prayers – even the small everyday things. At times when I have been greatly stressed I learnt to give all my worry over to him and as a result felt complete peace and joy in the midst of all that was going on – and that is simply incredible!