How Jesus changed their lives
There are so many people telling their stories about how Jesus changed their lives. And it’s not a simple formula or the same for everyone. We are all on our journey in our lives. We all carry our history and experiences with us. We all need a Saviour. We are all loved by our Creator.
As a child, I struggled to see my value, although I wanted very much to feel valued by something deeper than the people around me provided. This unmet desire started to grow into my thoughts and morphed into the giant lie that I was “unwanted” and affected how I viewed myself.
“If this is all there is, then what’s the point?”
That describes how I felt about life as a young adult. My life lacked purpose and fulfillment. I just existed.
I was fascinated to see what God had done in my Mom’s life. But for myself, I didn’t want to let Jesus come too close to my heart. So my life was still being influenced by great fear. For example, I was so scared of the dark that I only stopped sleeping without a light when I was 13 years old.
Just when I was about to jump down my phone rang. It was my friend who suggested that we met. I could not say no, so we met. I did not tell him where I was and what I was about to do…
I remember very little of what happened that evening, but the next thing I knew, I was sitting alone in a cold, lifeless police station cell, not knowing precisely why I was there, how long I’d be there for, and what was going to happen to me.
For seven long years I have fought against a pornography addiction. In 2011 I experience Gods intervention and deliverance and became a freed man.
Until last years my faith included praying before going to bed – I praised or asked for the help of God. You could tell that I was trying to get towards the God, because somehow, the whole time I was thinking that He is real and true, though distant to me.
I remember very well that my mom told me others were telling her nothing good would ever come from me. It was not worth it to bring me to the school just for me to sit there and listen.
„Unfortunately, medicine is powerless in this case,” the professor businesslike explained my mother. „The disease will progress slowly, muscles will atrophy, and it will get hard to breathe… In short, get ready for the fact that your daughter will live 10, maybe 18 years…”
So, I was lying face down on my bed. It was about 4am, one night in my first year at university and I was feeling absolutely exhausted, but my heart was still pumping with the caffeine from red bull & pro plus.
I remember one night specifically I was very upset about something, and I decided to text a friend. When I picked up my phone, I realized I had no one to text. I was filled with so much self pity, sadness, and loneliness, so I just started talking to God.
At the age of 24 I had given up my life. The strong anti-depressants which I was taking since many years because of depression and anxiety, made out of me an empty shell of blood and flesh. As my trials to take my life stranded, I decided to go to Exit (an institution for euthanasia).
Something was missing. Life wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t perfect. For every “nice Steve day” I had two “grumpy Steve days.” I hated imperfection. I began to hate myself. Though I never considered suicide or anything to that extreme, I still felt a deep longing for more. I wanted to know how to live, but people’s answers weren’t sufficient.
When I came home from Church that day, I was again beaten by my stepfather. After that beating my heart had enough. I looked straight up to God and said, “If this is my future… I don’t want your help. I don’t want anything to do with you.”
Dead. I wanted to be dead. I wanted Death’s arms to envelope me and take me from this life: a life full of pain, abuse, abandonment, disappointment, hatred; I didn’t want it anymore. Oh, sweet surrender! Come Death, come!
It was so hard to accept myself. I didn’t even notice how I became involved in a hunt after my value. I wanted to prove both – others and myself – how intelligent and beautiful I am. I started pursuing it by various activities, works and relationships with guys.
In 2012, all changed… It began with a discomfort while I was at my office; I had this discomfort several times. So I went to the doctor who sent me to the E.R. I had a lot of tests for a week.
God has done so many great things in my life. He has helped me through tough times and answered so many prayers – even the small everyday things. At times when I have been greatly stressed I learnt to give all my worry over to him and as a result felt complete peace and joy in the midst of all that was going on – and that is simply incredible!