How Jesus changed their lives
There are so many people telling their stories about how Jesus changed their lives. And it’s not a simple formula or the same for everyone. We are all on our journey in our lives. We all carry our history and experiences with us. We all need a Saviour. We are all loved by our Creator.
Two weeks after the funeral I returned to The University for my second year. It wasn’t the same; I missed my dad. I spent my days feeling sad and then trying not to feel sad. Mostly I attempted this by drinking, comfort eating, skipping lectures and finding comfort in different relationships.
The death of my grandmother was a real shock to me. For the first time in my life I started to think what would happen to me if I die.
I was standing in line like every other passenger, nervously going through all my papers. I had no idea what would expect me the next few months. I didn’t know that God could change my life completely almost overnight. Everything happened on a small island called Hawaii.
As I went from one meaningless adventure to the next I ended up on a bench by the river in Bristol city centre. I had never felt so alone in my life.
Right around the age of 19, I then started having doubts. Do I only believe in God because my parents immunized faith into me? Does Jesus really exist?
It was at primary school, with my friends who went to Sunday school, I heard about God for the first time. I was more afraid than envy. Being young, I was afraid of the future and dark.
Then, my uncle’s phone rang. The news fell down. His brother, and that means my father, has just died on his working place. I remember the first thing I said after I realized I would never see him again : “I’ve never told him I love him”. I was destroyed by a feeling of guiltiness.
“Madam, you have the choice for your baby : your baby dies in your sale, or his life will be very hard. There is no other way : his life is wretched”
My greatest joy is to know God and be known and loved by him. But how is that possible? I mean… who can really know God?!
I struggled to find acceptance or to believe that I was good or lovable. I know that years of bitterness have caused me to forget any fun times I had at home, but now I can only remember the loneliness, the bitterness and the pain.
After months of trying to fill my loneliness with all the wrong things, it caught up with me in a night of partying. I was weighed down with so much shame and was in disbelief at the person I looked at in the mirror. I felt helpless as I started to see that it was more than just the one night of mistakes. I knew that this person I’d become wasn’t me! Something big had to change.
I fear that people can see right through me—can they see how depressed and lonely I feel inside, how completely helpless and overwhelmed I am, how anxious my every thought is.
I strived to be the ‘well behaved student’, the ‘perfect daughter’, the ‘loyal friend’ and the ‘good Christian’, but it wasn’t enough. I was never satisfied. I was always disappointed in myself because I could never live up to my own expectations or the expectations of those around me.
I used to go to church on my own regularly until my adolescence. But I felt alone in that church which was almost empty.I did not talk to anyone… And, when I was a young student, I discovered news things, not very beautiful ones, such as pornography…
My school time was hard for me, I was bullied and hurt with words. People said bad things about my body structure, my look and my appearance. Often I came home from school and cried and spoke bad things over myself and my life.
At the age of 24 I had given up my life. The strong anti-depressants which I was taking since many years because of depression and anxiety, made out of me an empty shell of blood and flesh. As my trials to take my life stranded, I decided to go to Exit (an institution for euthanasia).
I remember one night specifically I was very upset about something, and I decided to text a friend. When I picked up my phone, I realized I had no one to text. I was filled with so much self pity, sadness, and loneliness, so I just started talking to God.