When the Rock Feels Hollow: Simon Peter’s Depression

In Season 3, we see another side of Simon Peter. When he discovers Eden has miscarried while he was away, the man of action goes silent. He withdraws and stops fishing. Stops laughing. Even stops talking to Jesus. His grief hardens into anger and distance. “Why didn’t You do something?” he finally spits at Jesus. Beneath the bravado, Simon Peter is broken.

That’s how depression often works. It doesn’t always look like tears, obvious sadness, or outward agony. Sometimes it manifests itself as silence, withdrawal, irritability, or the numbness of simply shutting down. Even faith itself can feel heavy and burdensome, and, like Simon Peter, you may find your usual coping strategies no longer work.

Just like all depressions, Simon Peter’s struggles don’t come out of nowhere. They’re the result of deep loss, followed by deep personal and spiritual disillusionment. He gave everything to follow Jesus, and yet his own wife suffers. His world doesn’t make sense anymore, and his typical coping strategies (action, control, bravado) just don’t work here. So he shuts down. That’s what depression will do to you. Does that sound familiar to you?

But, even amidst all this, Simon Peter finds himself on a boat. With the rest of the gang. In a storm. With ultimately no one to turn to... but to Jesus. And all of a sudden, out comes the hurt, the anguish, the fears, and even the accusations. “Why are You healing strangers,” he shouts, “when Your own person has problems?” And Jesus? He says what He always says when someone is weary and heavy laden… “Then come to Me,” “I will give you rest.” He invites Simon Peter to take the step. To bring his heavy load to none other than Jesus, right through the storms of life.

Of course, the man whom Jesus called The Rock… sinks like a rock. Simon Peter finds himself too heavily burdened to truly surrender. And finally, he shouts out what should have been his prayer all along: “Lord, save me, I'm sinking!” Jesus stretches out His hands and pulls poor Simon Peter in His arms: “I've got you. Just keep your eyes on Me.”

Have you ever found yourself retreating like Simon Peter: wounded, silent, frustrated with God, unsure how to move forward? Depression can make even your strongest parts feel useless. But it doesn’t disqualify you. You are not beyond grace. Like Simon Peter, you may not have the strength to walk on water. But you may have the strength to cry out: “Lord, save me.” If you do see, be sure to find out Jesus is already there, ready to take your hand, even in the deepest storms.