Keep your heart clean

I’ve been tempted on many occasions to harbor anger or hurt in the corners of my heart, but I’ve learned that it only hurts me. I had so much hurt from my childhood that I felt suicidal by the age of 20. I learned the power of forgiveness during a desperate time for my family.

The great King David once cried out a desperate prayer: “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalms 51:10, NKJV) A clean heart starts with a conscious decision to get rid of all hurts and bitterness. None of us can get through childhood and young adulthood without a truckload of trials. The Bible says, “‘These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.’” (John 16:33, NKJV)  

My heart was not clean for the first 20 years of my life. Our family was financially successful but toxic in many ways. One memory coming to my mind is a graphic illustration. The Christmas season was in full swing, and a family reunion exposed a few dormant conflicts. My father, unfortunately, struggled with a form of PTSD that would flare up in difficult relational moments. Our family was being shattered in another outburst of rejection and anger. I was so angry that I seriously thought about punching my father in the face…but I’d become a Christian a few months earlier, and the Spirit led me into the kitchen to cool off. I punched the wall while muttering under my breath, “I hate my dad. I hate my dad.”

I’ll never forget the moment a weird thought entered my brain: “Forgive your dad. Forgive your dad.” I wasn’t attending a church yet, nor was I reading the Bible. I had simply invited Jesus to enter my heart, and He really had. That day, John 1:12 had become a reality: “Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” (NIV) The Spirit of God dropped that stunning idea of forgiveness into my brain. I didn’t know it was God speaking, but I immediately took action. As I continued to hit the wall, I said, “I forgive my dad. I forgive my dad. Lord, heal me.”

Then the strangest thing happened…I felt the anger leave, and a bizarre feeling of peace filled my body. It honestly caught me off guard. I was so overwhelmed with love that I walked back into the room, hugged my sister who was weeping on the couch, and told her that I loved her. I then walked over to my dad; hugged and kissed him; and said, “I love you, Dad.” I wish I could say that my dad melted in my arms with words of love. He didn’t. In fact, he never did. But my heart had changed. I decided that day to keep a clean heart towards everyone. 

friend, I want to encourage you to choose a clean heart because you are called to be a miracle.