Bernadette’s Story: “I hated myself and I was always scared…”

Mirrors also frightened me. I was afraid of seeing something behind me or even of changing into something else. My parents could tell something wasn’t quite normal. By my teenage years, anxiety had taken over. I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts never stopped racing, and I broke down often.

On the outside, life looked good: I had a loving family, went to Catholic school, had friends, and shared happy pictures on social media. But on the inside, it was a very different story. I was consumed by fear, I hated myself, and was endlessly overthinking.

By seventh grade, my struggles deepened. After my grandfather died and my family argued, I convinced myself that my parents hated me. I blamed myself for everything. That’s when I began to hurt myself. What started as a way to cope soon became a dangerous habit that followed me into high school.

In those years, I put everyone else first, trying desperately to be liked. When people hurt me, instead of walking away, I tried harder to please them. And when that didn’t work, I turned my anger inward. Eventually, I believed I was worthless, unwanted, and I hated myself. I believed that life had no purpose for me.

On the night before my 17th birthday, I decided I couldn’t go on. I hated myself so much and attempted to end my life. For a brief moment, I felt peace. But then my sister walked into the room and found me. She saved my life.

I woke up in the hospital, weak and surrounded by my crying family. At midnight, the clock struck twelve—it was officially my birthday. At that moment, I realized I had survived. God had given me another year, another chance. I saw my parents’ love for me in their tears, and something changed inside me.

Do you struggle with dark thoughts? Reach out and share your story.

Afterward, I was admitted to a mental health facility for ten days. It was frightening and painful. Being away from my family, surrounded by others who were struggling deeply. I felt cold, alone, and longed to be home. 

But through those days, something shifted. I realized that even in such darkness, there could be light. Those days forced me to face my fears and begin to rebuild. I walked out of that place differently. No longer just the anxious, fearful girl I had been.

Today, I am stronger, braver, and more passionate about life than ever before. I no longer depend on others for happiness. I know who I am, and I know my life has value.

I am studying to become a nurse because I want to help people in their moments of weakness and pain. And I also want to share my story, because maybe you have felt like I did. Maybe you are trapped in fear, anxiety, or self-hatred. If so, please know this: you are not alone.

Jesus says in John 10:10:

Even when life feels hopeless, God can bring healing. He can turn your darkest moments into a story of hope.

My name is Bernadette. And this is my story.