Forgive and forget

Did you know that it’s scientifically impossible to forget? Our minds remember everything we experience, but we can only recall those memories that have a strong emotional component. I don’t imagine you can recall what you did twenty years ago on a Tuesday unless, of course, you had a massive car accident or an earthquake destroyed your house. We only recall what has significant meaning to us. 

You probably remember your school graduations, sports awards, weddings, the birth of a child, or a big promotion. You can recall these great memories because they are so positive. But there are other events that elicit more negative emotions, like the death of a loved one, a divorce, accidents, or physical or sexual abuse. We remember these experiences because they have strong emotions connected to them. They are a lot like bombs filled with gunpowder. They can be triggered by a small event like a match. 

The psalmist David once said, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalms 51:10, NIV) If you forgive, the gunpowder is removed, and you will no longer be triggered. The infection is removed, and the wound is now able to be healed. Like David, let’s cry out to God while we enter the second stage of forgiveness: “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” (Psalms 51:7, NIV)

The second stage is the Process. It’s a lot like the first step, but you must repeat it over and over again until you reach the third stage. Jesus taught Peter the importance of this principle: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV)  

Sometimes it just takes one choice and declaration, but the deepest hurts take time. In regards to my dad, I found myself in and out of the process many times. My wounds were so deep that I would get in the habit of forgiving again and again. 

Start the journey of forgiveness today. It may take a while, but give yourself permission to reach the process stage. Because you are worth it, and don’t forget—you are a miracle.