Love the one you’re with ?

Relational health has to be based on choices, not just feelings. Popular culture often romanticizes the notion of relationships, family and love. Feelings are given the highest priority as a litmus test of any relationship. We’ve all heard statements like “If it feels good, do it”, “We fell in love”, “I just can’t forgive” or “I just don’t feel it anymore.”

Relationships are not built on feelings but on choices. Love is a choice; happiness is a choice; marriage should be a choice; careers and education should be choices.

Are your relationships based on feelings or choices? Feelings fluctuate based on thoughts and circumstances.

When I was writing today’s A Miracle Every Day, I thought about an old song I would sing as a young man. It’s written and sung by Stephen Stills: “Love the One You’re With”. The chorus goes like this: 

“Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove,
And the eagle flies with the dove,
And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey,
Love the one you’re with, (Come on)
Love the one you’re with, (Everybody just)
Love the one you’re with,
Love the one you’re with.”

It sounds so pragmatic, but it’s so true. Many people I’ve counseled think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They fantasize about someone they work with, or they dream of romantic relationships based on soap operas.

Healthy relationships start with reality, not fantasy. It really comes down to choosing to love, to care, to forgive and to add value to someone else. Relationships need to be nurtured and fostered. They need to bring mutual love and compassion, even when things are tough. Relationships should be win-win. 

The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV) 

These descriptions don’t sound like some sappy movie; they sound like a set of choices that creates a rock on which you can build strong friendships and more. I’m praying God will help you discover and choose to build healthy relationships that are mutually rewarding and caring.

Because you’re a miracle.